Growing up
by venturesomeScout
Summary: Cartman can't tie knots that great. Also uploaded on my AO3 Account. (Stanman One-Shot, One-Sided Relationship, Angst, Graphic Depictions Of Violence)


„Fuck." Cartman breathed out, resting his head on the top of the car steering wheel. It was dark outside and it's not like he can actually drive. He just sat there, in his moms car, with his head resting on the steering wheel. His mom wasn't home, which meant that she was "working". The brown haired boy sighed and looked up for a moment, looking into the little mirror on the car ceiling. Damn, he was still fat. Quickly he looked away again. Everything just kinda sucked at the moment. He didn't want to grow up and he realized that his friends had troubles too, but they wouldn't talk with him about it. His feelings towards his friends never changed though: He still hated Kyle, viewed Kenny as his best friend and... He always kinda had a thing for Stan. Eric wasn't sure why, but he always would be nicer to Stan than to the others. He remembered when the four of them sat in this car. They were playing Star Trek. He let Stan sit next to him on the passenger seat. In the end he ended up playing alone again, because of stupid Kyle. Cartman looked over to his right side, imagining that Stan would sit there. That was enough to make himself feel calmer.

He continued to sit there for a while before deciding he was tired. So he got up from the seat, left the car, locked it and went inside. Cartman had to realize that he is really close to becoming an adult now, but he wasn't ready yet. He didn't want to grow up. He put his blanket over himself and felt asleep.

Cartman walked down the corridor of his high school. It was pure luck that South Park didn't really left the teenagers any other option than this one. Others may think that's stupid, which Cartman thought so too at first, but he is actually glad about it now. It meant he was always able to see his favorite person everyday. He opened his locker, threw his books inside and then continued walking to the entrance. Kyle, Stan, Kenny and him still hung out, but except for Cartman they all got a lot calmer. It frustrated Eric, but eventually he just gave up on it too. In general he didn't really care anymore and to his horror, that's what make them like him more. It felt kinda like a hit in the face. They never really liked the real Eric Cartman. It's like he has fallen down, but he didn't really bother getting up again.

"Hey." Cartman recognized Stans voice and looked at him. You could see that he has been eating enough and healthy, because he grew taller over the years, but Cartman couldn't help and notice that he was kinda thin. Maybe he had something on his mind, but he wouldn't talk with Cartman about it. If so, only with Kyle. He shrugged it off. "We could go to my house, do homework and play video games afterwards." Stan said. Cartman looked at Kyle and Kenny. They agreed to the idea and they all end up following Stan home. How boring.

Some time passes and now they were playing some random shooter gamer. "Cake or pie?" Kenny suddenly asked. "Cake is life." Cartman just answered. Kenny smiled at him and then turned his head back to the screen. Cartman thought it was kinda funny. He hated life. He wondered if Kenny now thinks that he prefers cake over pie, because he didn't. Yeah, that would be funny.

It was night time again and Cartman was still up. Last week he bought a rope. He was kind of nervous when he entered the store. Eric normally never gets nervous like that, but it wasn't the store that made him nervous, it was that one thought growing in his head. He did a lot of research on suicide and Eric thinks a shotgun to his head and hanging are the two best options. An Overdose was just was too uncertain. He bought the rope, but he never did it in the end.

Because after he got the rope he realized how bad he was at tying knots. So he didn't bother with it. Cartman tried to fall asleep again, but he couldn't. Then he realized it. He was crying. Damn. He put his hands on his cheeks and felt how wet their were. He can't remember the last time he actually cried and with actually, he means actually. No fake cry.

He got up again and walked over to his desk. Fuck it, he was doing this. With shaking hands he sat down and grabbed a pen. He had read about this online somewhere too before. He was supposed to stay neutral, not blame others or yourself. It would make it easier for the people in his life to accept it. If he was going to do it, he would do it the professional way. He liked when others saw him as something great. Something special and if suicide would be the only way to get this, he would do it.

He began writing. He wrote any idea which came to mind quickly and informally. After that he read it over, he shuffled the words around again and organized them. And in the end he rewrote everything. Maybe he would have made a great writer, but this wasn't going to happen. He took a deep breath and looked over his words again. He was satisfied with his result. He wrote something to every person he has ever met and all his secrets were finally spilled. He felt better.

Now to the hard part. His hands calmed down a little, but they were still shaking. He grabbed for one of his bags under his writing desk. There it was, the bag he went to the store with the last week. He opened it and got out his 3 feet rope. Eric made sure it was long enough. His blue eyes began tearing up again. He wasn't sure what was harder: Dealing with emotions right now or tying the rope.

Eventually, he made it. He tied a nice noose. Cartman had to stare at it for a while, before he was able to get up from his chair again. There wasn't anything he could tie the rope on, so he decided to do it in the forest. There were enough branches for this kind of business. At least his mom wouldn't find him like this in his room then. He shoved the rope with the finished noose back into his bag and left the note on his desk. His mom would probably find it in the morning.

Cartman walked slowly. He would take his time, he was going to die today anyway. No need to rush things. It felt weird, but he didn't stop walking into the forest. He never actually thought he was going to do it. He always played around with the thought and made plans, but he always thought he that would never do it. Never, but here he was! Eric wasn't sure if he should feel proud about this or not.

He climbed up the tree. It was super exhausting, but he reminded himself that it would be worth it. He didn't wanted to be here anymore. Why should he anyway? Looking at the present is just fucking sad, he preferred staying in the past, but he couldn't do that. His time was running and life wouldn't wait for anyone, not even him. He made it. Eric tied the rope around the thick tree branch he was sitting on and let the noose fall down. His blue eyes watched the scenario and then he grabbed the rope again, lifting the noose. "It's high enough. It should work." he told himself. Tears were falling again. It began to be annoying. He put the noose around his neck and took a deep breath.

With small movements he crawled closer to the end of the branch. His whole body was shaking with adrenaline. His body knew what he was going to do. Then he reached it. The end of the branch. His heavy body brought him down and a choking noise left his throat. After this one last sound, he wasn't able to get any sounds out anymore. The noose wasn't allowing him to take any breaths in or out. It hurted so much. Cartman didn't thought it would hurt so much, but it did. It really did. Now he was wondering if the gun wouldn't have been a better option after all. His adrenaline was greater than ever, it made his hands struggle against the noose, but to no avail. Cartman passed out. A few minutes passed by, maybe about six, and then his body finally gave up. It was no use fighting against it anymore, his heart stood still.

Kenny sneaked into the garden from Cartman. It was midnight, but he had a good reason to be here. With a brand new cake in his hands he walked over to the kitchen window. He knew they always let it open a bit. He rested the cake on the ground for a moment and lifted the window. He smiled and squeezed himself through it with the cake. He wondered how Cartman would react, if he would see Kenny with a cake in his hands. He was super excited as he walked up the stairs, but was still careful to not wake up Liane. He opened the door to Erics room while grinning to himself. Quietly he closed the door behind him and placed the cake on his writing desk.

"Happy Birthday!" Kenny screamed and turned on the lights, just to see Cartman not laying in his bed. "Huh?" The best friend looked around confused. Kenny found the note on Cartmans writing desk and it didn't take much time for Kenny to start crying. His view was blurred, but he didn't care about that at the moment. He almost busted the door open as he sprinted past a confused Liane Cartman.


End file.
